| I have a lot of emotions and feelings going on in my heart and mind and its getting pretty cluttered and I just keep asking God to help me through them and its been really hard. I've been going through a lot of "growing pains" has some may call it and its been a rocky road and I wish it would end. I'm getting to my wits end almost. I am ready to go home. I need to go home. I need to be connected with people who won't drag me down or make me depressed all the time. I just wish people could understand that. |
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| is frustrated and doesn't understand why I'm being tested in the areas that I'm being tested in. I'm really struggling and have been for the past few months and I really want God to help me and renew me and transform me into the likeness of Christ and be firmly grounded in him and have faith like a mustard seed and to know how to handle this test. I know I can't do it alone and I need God to help me and show what I need to do and to have a right spirit and attitude. I started reading Psalms 86 and it goes with how I feel.
Psalms 86: "Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours. All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name. For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God. Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave. The arrogant are attacking me, O God; a band of ruthless men seeks my life-men without regard for you. But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant your strength to your servant and save the son of your maidservant. Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me." |
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| So I've been here in mitchell, Sd for over a year now and I'm still feel like I'm a fish out of water and I wonder when that feel goes away. I have been so restless lately about the church and ben and and I feel the church we are going to are not on the same wavelength as we are and we feel like we need to start really praying about where we are suppose to go. A few weeks ago we went to a church and it was really good the people were all very nice and friendly and seemed very Solid in the Faith and we met some people and we are actually going to have dinner with on friday. The church and this couple seem to be on the same page as ben and I are about living a life of Holiness before God and being a living sacrifice and dying to ourselves and picking up our cross and following God no matter what the cost. God has called me to live a life of simplicity and modesty and I believe he has called me to wear a headcovering and I have been wearing one for sometime now and I'm the only one in the church that we go to and its hard sometimes because I feel like I don't fit with the people and even though they do accept me I still out of place. The church that we visited the women all wear head coverings and they believe that God wants them to wear one as a symbolism of their submission to Him and to there Husbands, which definitely Biblical. I cor. 11 and I just feel that maybe this is where God wants us to, but we don't know. Ben doesn't feel the release yet and we don't know when that will be. I hope very soon. Please pray for us. Thank you |
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